Make-A-Wish event

Make-a-wish invited Wish Kids to a fun event today. There was a bike race and fundraiser benefiting the organization, and they had lots of fun stuff for the families. 

Maddox loved Olaf!

Bai was excited to see Elsa and Ana. 

Maddox decorated his bike and he and Bai participated in the children's bike parade. They even got medals!

The chalk art was amazing. 

Bailee climbed all the way to the top three times!

Landon...well Landon had an unprepared mommy today. Shortly after we got to the event I could smell a stinky diaper. It was a total mess. I went to get the diaper bag and realized I didn't have any clothes for him. There was a Gymboree right by where we were, so I ran in and picked up a little sleeper. I got to the bathroom and realized I didn't have any wipes. So I got some wet paper towels. I got him undressed and partially cleaned up and couldn't find a diaper. Ack! I just had to laugh! I had seen a mom I know and thought I'd run out and see if she had an extra diaper. Just before I found her, I found Luke and I remembered that I had put a bag with wipes and diapers in the back of the car!! So Luke went and grabbed that and I was able to get Landon all cleaned up. He went back in the sling and fell right to sleep. He's such a happy, patient, easy baby. It makes crazy situations like this less stressful. 

Fresh Starts and Our New Normal (written September 2014)

Monday is a day of new beginnings for us!

Luke will be starting his new job. After 2 1/2 months of being unemployed, he's definitely ready to be working at a paying job. 

It sure didn't feel like good timing, to lose a job three weeks before our baby was due. We put our trust in Heavenly Father, though, and it has been a good experience for our family. 

For starters, our kids got to spend some really good, quality time with their dad. He has worked 60-70 hours a week for their entire lives. Vacation days were few and far between, and even then he was basically on call to fix any issues. Bai and Maddox have LOVED having him home so much. 

As far as having a new baby, the timing was great. Luke is such an amazing husband and father. Having him home has made this recovery and transition much easier than the last two. He's also had some good bonding time with Landon. It's been very sweet. 

I have loved spending more time together. I can honestly say this is the most relaxed and stress free Luke has been in our marriage. I know it's been hard on him, but he's handled it amazingly. This time off has been so good for the two of us. 

2 weeks!

Little Landon is growing so fast! He has gained nearly a pound, and grown 2 1/2 inches! He is eating around the clock, smiling when he's awake, watching the chaos around him, and bringing so much joy to our family! 

Landon is such a happy, content baby. He loves to be swaddled up and snuggled. This momma isn't complaining! 

Luke's first Father's Day as the daddy of three! 

I can't get over his sweetness. 

Looking so tiny in his big crib!

Bailee and Maddox adore him, and he seems to enjoy watching them. We've watched Tball games and gymnastics, gone to the library and church, and showed him off to everyone. 

Bailee thinks we should put him up for adoption, so we can adopt him. 

Maddox asked me why the baby was eating my belly button.... time for an anatomy lesson. He has also come up with an answer for me when I can't help him because I'm feeding the baby. "Put your shirt down and get him off of there!"

People ask how I'm adjusting to having three kids. It's been pretty easy so far, because Luke has been here. I don't have to divide my attention between three kids at a time. That's been a sweet blessing. 

While we continue to pray for a new job soon, we are trying to enjoy this extra time together. We all have enjoyed having Luke around! We are probably getting spoiled with all of his help and attention. His next job will have to be better hours! 

Landon Carling

Landon was born Monday, June 2. I went into labor early that morning and was at the hospital before my scheduled dr appointment. Everything went really well, and we are so in love with this little boy. 

Bailee opened up to me last night about how worried she had been. She definitely had had a wall up through this pregnancy. I was certain that would change when he arrived and she could see that he was healthy. 

She adores him!

Our family of five!

All in the Lords time

I am amazed over and over at the Love my Heavenly Father has for me. I am amazed at the way He answers my prayers, and most especially at the timing of those answers. I am taught again and again that my trust and faith in Him is vital in my role as a wife and mother. 

There are times I've felt so strongly about something that seems illogical to those around me, only to realize later how important it was for me to hold onto that conviction. I'm grateful to a loving Father in Heaven who has blessed me with that ability to trust Him and His timing. 

This sweet baby was due yesterday. The last two weeks I've been feeling a bit of pressure, from my doctor and others around me, to be induced because it fits in their schedules. My doctor has been gone the last two weekends, but wants to be here for the birth. My parents came early to help, and they've been a huge help. I just had an unexplained hesitancy to be induced before my due date. Not because I was worried about the baby's health, not because I am against being induced, not even because of the extra painful contractions I have heard accompany induction. Just because there seemed to be a reason. 

The reason became clear on Friday as we worked on some insurance options. It will be better for us financially to have this baby in June. As we figured this out, I was overcome by the wisdom of my Heavenly Father and His care and concern for us. It was and is another testament that He does know us and our needs...both spiritual and temporal. I'm so very grateful for Him and his love for me and my family. 

I am anxious to meet this new little one. I go into the dr tomorrow, unless he comes tonight, and we'll schedule that induction. The hesitancy is gone. I can't wait to hold him and for Luke and the kids to meet him. I've had him to myself (at least on this side of the veil) for the last 40 weeks, but I suppose it's time to share. The next blog will have pictures!

A war with no winners

Sometimes you end up in the middle of a conflict by no fault of your own. With family and friends on both sides, and no clear solution. Trying to stay out of it and not have an oppinion seems impossible, but is exactly where you want to be. Times like this, it would be nice if everything were black and white. Choices would be clear cut and easy, and perhaps there would be a clear winner. 

Some conflicts are easy for me to chose a side and feel good about it. Others, it tears me a part. There are two such battles raging around me right now, and I feel torn between the good on all sides. My first instinct is to ignore the whole situation. Unless I'm forced to make a decision, I won't express any oppinion. However, in these two battles I feel the need to look deep inside and find out where I stand. For no other reasons than to have inner peace right now, as well as to know where I stand if forced to chose a side. 

It's hard though, even firmly believing in the side I choose, to be opposite of people I love and respect. There's really no winners when both sides believe they are right and will not even consider the opposite view. I wish it were as easy as taking the good parts of both sides. Maybe that's where I stand. Not on one side of the fence or the other, but on a third side of a triangle where compromise exisists. 

General Conference

Maddox strung beads for more than an hour. Seriously can't believe it!

Pinterest has so many awesome ideas for everything. I actually put many to use, and while it took prep time, after one session it was worth it!

The supplies basket included glue, scissors, pencils, markers, crayons, string, beads, and some 'draw the speaker' pages. The idea behind the beads was that each color represents a topic and you create a bracelet. Maddox seriously just loved stringing them. Bai wants to create one later. 

This basket has 15 ziplock bags with different treats and activities. Each has a photo of one of the apostles or member of the first presidency. When they speak, the kids get to choose that bag. 

My cute girl!

The bonus basket has other treats and snacks. They are for bingo prizes and the speakers who don't have a bag. 

Bai wanted a binder like mom's to take notes. I am super impressed with the things she chose to write down. 

Maddox doesn't sit still very often. One thing I read was a family that tells their kids they can run around during the songs. I tried that, not really expecting it to make a difference, but it did!! He played basketball during the songs and was pretty quiet otherwise. 

Cutting and gluing!!! Ok, so maybe most of the activities I chose were a ploy to work on some occupational therapy. But he didn't know that! Overall, we had a wonderful time listening to conference. I think these activity bags will become a new tradition. 

On Saturday, especially, my soul was fed and my testimony strengthened. I'm looking forward to listening to all of the talks again in the coming months. 

Conference is such a blessing in my life, and a real source of personal revelation. I am so grateful to have a living prophet here on the earth, to lead and guide the Savior's church, under the Savior's direction. 

Kid quotes and quips

Last night Luke mentioned to Bailee that the Daddy Daughter camp out is shortly after the baby comes. She loves Daddy Daughter so much, so is really excited. Maddox asked when Father and Son's is and Luke said he didn't know if they were doing it this year. Maddox's response was very typical. "I know! We can go to the first BYU football game and that can be our father son date!" Luke will take that over camping any day of the week.

We were on our way to the park to meet friends that had moved away, one of Bailee's best friends. She got upset because she'd forgotten her pencil. I told her she'd be too busy playing to need a pencil to which she replied, "You mean talking! We have a lot to catch up on."

Play dates are no longer called Play dates, this almost 8 year old is going on 16 and wants me to call it "hanging out".

A few months back Bailee says to me "If someone looks in my diary and I write in Egyptian, they won't know what it says!"

Maddox has a hard time waking up on the mornings he has school. Weekends and Monday's he's up earlier than he needs to be. I attribute it to deep sleeping and stubbornness. He usually finds his way into my bed somewhere between the hours of 2 and 6 am. It's pretty dark in our room, so I decided I need to just send him back to his bed. He's my cuddle bug though, and it's not going to be easy for either of us. This morning when he came in at 5:45 I told him he could only get in my bed if he promised he would wake up when I told him to. He said he would, and I asked him what the consequence should be if he didn't. He responded "No TV ever again." Like that punishment would ever stick. I compromised with no TV today and he agreed. It worked. He got up the first time I asked him. I hope this sticks!

In St. George driving past Dixie State and Luke points out to Bailee where he used to live. Without skipping a beat she says "So you were an orphan?"

The other day in the car Maddox asks me "Mom, when are you going to tell me that the baby isn't coming?" I was confused and replied that I wasn't going to tell him that, because the baby is coming next month. He responded "But last time you said the baby wasn't coming. Were you joking?" Obviously, explaining a miscarriage to  a four year old didn't go as smoothly as I thought. We talked briefly about the first baby going back to heaven because maybe it was sick. He wanted to know if this baby is sick, and I told him I don't think so. He then said, "Well, maybe it's the same baby."

Bailee is having a hard time with the idea of having another baby. I really think between the miscarriage and her memories of Maddox, she is just protecting her heart. I'm certain she'll warm up when the baby actually gets here. In an effort to get her a little excited, I tried to get her to feel him moving. I put her hand on my belly where he had been moving moments before and of course, he stopped moving. I told her sorry and we'd try again when he moved. She said "This baby already has a brain! He is already tricking me and Maddox hasn't even taught him how, yet!"

Breakfast!

I'm back on a smoothie kick! Mostly I just throw a bunch of fruits and veggies in the blender and drink it up. This morning I found a recipe for a sunrise smoothie. I used that as a start, and added spinach, milk, water, and honey. It's super yummy. It's not as pink as usual because I didn't add raspberries or blackberries, but if you put it in a colored cup, you can't even tell what color it is. So here's what I did:

1 banana

10 Oz frozen strawberries

Juice from 3 small clementines

2 handfuls of spinach

1/2 cup frozen oj concentrate

1 cup whole milk

1 cup water

1 cup vanilla Greek yogurt

2 tbs honey

I blend the liquid and spinach first, and longest so there aren't bits floating around. After that I just add a few things, and blend in between. 

Change is good!

I can drink milk!

And eat cereal!

And drink orange juice!

And drink water!

The thought of coke still makes my tummy turn, so I'll hold off. I really should just give it up, especially since I haven't had a coke for 5 months!!! But really, I miss the burn of the carbonation. 

I've returned to the stage of nothing really sounds good, and I don't want to cook, but put it in front of me and I'll probably eat it. 

I probably should take a belly photo. This baby is really pushing out. I either really don't remember how being pregnant felt, or this one is pretty different. (Except for the sick part.) I got uncomfortable pretty quickly, and it's not getting any easier. Sleeping is rough. Walking is rough. Sitting is rough. But, this little boy is worth every second. I can't wait to meet him and kiss his sweet chubby cheeks. Just about 12 weeks! 

Here's my latest project. This one is actually for Maddox. I never got around to making him one, and this time around I am in constant need of a project.

Beauty.

I have a routine most mornings, that includes sitting across the room from this wall.

It's perhaps my most favorite place to sit. The sun comes in through the windows and reminds me winter won't last forever. I love looking up from my project and seeing my beautiful family. I love seeing the different stages of my kids. Their newborn pictures to their school pictures. I only wish the wall were bigger so I could have more pictures. Lately I've been looking at it knowing another sweet face will soon be added. 

Water=Heartburn

I can finally handle small amounts of water without puking it up, and I've re-discovered my pregnancy craving for pebble ice. Sonic is my BFF and it's a good thing it's so close. However, it is giving me heartburn like crazy! It still blows my mind that water, of all things, gives pregnant people heartburn. I have had heartburn anyways, but of course there's a daily med for that, and it's done it's job very well. Until I started drinking water and eating ice. I don't know what's worse though, the heartburn, or the dehydration. I have been dreaming of water for most of my pregnancy, and waking up thirstier than ever, knowing that drinking the water would just cause me to vomit. Vicious cycle. The things we go through to get children here, and keep them here.

I just keep picturing this sweet boy in my arms, with his head of dark fuzzy hair. The profile picture from the ultrasound sits at my computer desk to remind me that it's all worth it! It's crazy to look at it and be able to see that even at 19 weeks and 3 days he looks like my other two. 10 weeks and 3 days left. Or, if things progress exactly as the other two did, 10 weeks. The other two were both born 3 days early. I went into labor at the same time. Arrived at the hospital at nearly the same time. And delivered within 2 minutes of being the same time. We shall see how this one goes! Though I would prefer to wait it out at home longer this time. A little less chaotic and maybe more comfortable? At least for Luke.

And with that, I shall get back to the job that pays in $, before the job that pays in kisses resumes.

(PS; I have procrastinated less this week than I did last week. Miracles do happen.)

Dear Me....

Please stop procrastinating your work...the work from the job that pays in dollars. The long days at the computer are beginning to be unbearable. Just do a little bit each day, problem solved.
Much obliged.

RE: Dear Me,
If you haven't learned to overcome procrastination in the last 30 years, what makes you think you will now?
Keep trying.

Sometimes

...this feels so long ago, and other times it feels like only yesterday. 

This was two years ago! Two years ago we were planning a Wish Trip, and scheduling the Fontan. So crazy!

Looking at this picture makes me think about both the past and the future. I wonder how long he'll go without needing oxygen help. How long until we have to find another way to help his heart work well enough. How long until we walk the transplant road. 

I know I try and enjoy every day with both of my kids, and that's because of all the unknowns and what ifs regarding Maddox.  That's a blessing. A tender mercy. 

Nesting...a new experience

This pregnancy has shown me a new side of nesting. It's been different for sure. With Bai, I was working full time and we lived in a little apartment. With Maddox, I was determined to spend as much time with Bailee as I could. (That turned out to be a bigger blessing than I could have known.) This time around I have 4 hours of being alone 4 days a week. I try and get some work done in the mornings, but mostly I have this insane desire to organize and complete projects. Like this:

 Anyone who's been in my office/craft room in the last 3 years will be shocked. Look, there's carpet! It no longer looks like a paper bomb went off. I was having a hard time making calls and working with the huge mess behind me. It's so much nicer to be in there now. 

And this...

Minus the ball basket being tipped over, the playroom is clean, organized, and useable. It got disrupted a couple of years ago when we had my sister and then cousin live with us for short periods of time. The toys were returned to the room, but unorganized and mostly unaccessible. There was grumbling and wondering about why the kids never played with the toys, and talk of just getting rid of all of them. However, the whole family pitched in to clean and organize, and now that they can get to the toys and they remember what they have, they both have spent a lot more time playing, and much less time watching tv.  

I (almost) finished organizing the boys closet and am so much happier with it! I am just going to add a shelf or two to the side of the closet to hold lotion, wipes, etc. I also saw this really cute pegboard idea with baskets to hold diapers and other essentials. Hopefully that will get finished in the next month. 

I put together this quilt for baby. It's the first time I've used minky fabric, and a first for ribbon binding. I learned a few things that will help me put Maddox's together a little easier. I think I need to add a few hidden ties to hold the layers together, but mostly, I'm pleased with the result. 

 

This is the quilt top for Maddox. He chose blue minky for the back, and I am planning on doing blue ribbon for the binding. Maddox is pretty excited for it to be finished. His is of course bigger, but I think it'll go together more quickly now that I practiced on the crib one. 

My next organizing project is this:

We have a lot of books! Love that! But I think I'll move the shelves to the playroom and of course reorganize them. 

I also started this:

The kitchen will be getting a paint job in the near future. I have a lot of prep work to do first though, and there's only so much I can do myself. I will not be standing on the half wall and leaning over to remove that wallpaper.... 

I am hoping to be done with the kitchen project by my birthday. Which is about a month before baby comes. We shall see. 

In other news, 

Are these yours?? I can't find the owner. So if you recognize them...

Another check off my list!

I don't chrochet a lot, but I have made each of my kids an afghan. Here is baby boys. It took me forever to decide on colors. I love how it turned out!  

This is Maddox's. I love his, too. 

And here is Bailee's. I actually made hers while I was in highschool. I think it may have been a young women's project. 

My mom taught me basic chrochet and a granny square. She doesn't read patterns, she either figures it out by looking at it, or someone shows her. I am quite opposite. I want step by step instructions, and a pattern to follow. Classic example of very different learning styles.

I was able to find a pattern for both of the boys afghans and figure them out. I love that all three are different. The colors of the boys coordinate. I wanted them to match their room. I also really don't like baby themed or colored things for boys. Weird. I know. 

It worked out well for Maddox. I didn't buy anything that was light blue before he was born. Afterwards, I wouldn't put him in blue. It looked terrible on him. He was blue enough by himself. I loved him in red, brown, and darker orange. I still prefer those colors, though BYU blue is okay. 

With this baby I've been drawn to navy blue and green. Like this:

Luke's not a fan of matching, but how cute will my three boys be in these ties in blessing day? I told him he could live with it for one day. 

I survived the glucose test! I have one more 4-week appointment and then will start the 2-week appointments. Time is moving on! I'm really getting excited for this little one, and the upcoming summer. 

CHD week

I kicked CHD week off with a day at the hospital with IHH. We delivered lunch to our awesome cardiology clinic and cookies to our amazing ICU staff. We were also able to provide dinner to families at the new Ronald McDonald Family room. That was amazing. What a resource for families! 

It was a pretty long day, but so productive in so many ways. I love serving with IHH and seeing the difference we can make. 

My mothers daughter

I sent these pictures to my mom yesterday. Her response was "I hope you didn't move that dresser yourself. You have several months until the baby comes." 

I responded the only way I could. "Of course I did. But I didn't lift it. And I didn't try and move the freezer from downstairs to upstairs."

She wouldn't have expected anything less. She raised me. And I am her in many ways. My mom is fiercly independent. If it was physically possible for her to do it herself, she did. She didn't wait for my dad to come home to rip out a wall, to rearrange the heavy stuff, to paint, etc. She just did it. Why wait when you can do it yourself and just get it done?

I often wondered what my dad thought. I'm sure by the time I was old enough to recognize this, he was used to it and not surprised. 

I'm certain it's taken Luke by surprise a few times, to come home to different colored walls, furniture rearranged, new stuff I've put together. He wasn't surprised yesterday when he came home to the newly rearranged boys room. I told him my plans a month a go. The day after we found out I was wrong, and baby boy #2 was headed our way. I prefaced my ideas by telling him 'We don't have to do this today.' In his mind (and he's right), we have plenty of time. No need to rush. For me, I'd rather get it done now, while I'm feeling up to it, and have it the way I want it. 

So I've had a month to think about how I wanted the boys room to be. I adore the paint and colors we chose for Maddox, so really this was an easy makeover. Maddox and I have talked about the changes plenty of times, and I let him choose which side of the room he wanted his bed. Yesterday I thought I'd just reorganize the closet so when we did move things around, it would be easier. 

If you give a mouse a cookie...

That's how I work. I didn't intend to move the linen shelf out of the closet, put the dresser in the closet, move Maddox's bed, and put together the crib. I figured if I already had the sheets and blankets out and re folded, I might as well move the shelf. It wasn't heavy. Since the shelf was gone, I figured it wouldn't be too hard to slide the dresser into the closet. I was wrong. It's so heavy. But I was determined. So I moved it little by little across the room. Maddox's bed isn't heavy at all, and the crib pieces are light enough. 

It was kind of fun to sit with Maddox and show him how to put the bolts in, have him help me hold pieces, and tighten the wing nuts. He enjoyed it too. I think involving him in the whole process helps him feel like he has some control and that the baby isn't just taking over his room and his life. 

I know I'm OCD about that. I was the same with Bai when we were expecting Maddox. I want them to feel included and a part of this. I don't want baby to just be something that happened to them. 

Maddox is definitely more excited than Bailee. I think she's guarding her heart. Between the whole experience with Maddox, and the miscarriage before this one, I don't think she knows what to expect or hope for. It's easier for her to say she doesn't care than to get her hopes up. I do know she's glad it's a boy so she doesn't have to share her room. 

Baby is growing well and moving all of the time. It's fun to see my belly move or him kick my hand when I'm resting it on my belly. Soon the kids will be able to feel him too. I'm so relieved that his heart is well formed. I think we all need this baby to be a healing experience. I wouldn't trade Maddox and his journey for anything, but it was so hard on everyone that first year. 

Deadlines are looming for work and CHD week. I best be off to accomplish something there. Though right now I'd like to reorganize the playroom...

Three weeks later...

...and I think I've finally mastered this omelet thing. I went from veggie scrambles to this....

Eggs and a tiny bit of cheese for protein, but mostly veggies. I can't eat enough fruits and vegetables these days. Such a problem to have! I seriously cannot eat sweets. Occasionally I'll try a bite of something, but the sugar just makes me sick!!! I hope I don't binge this summer.... I do miss my coke-a-day. I am constantly dreaming about drinking water. I'm not a big water drinker, but not being able to handle any at all is killing me! 

Speaking of water. I am really sensitive to chlorine. It took me years to figure out that's why most tap water hurts my stomach. I remember when they started treating the water in my hometown, I would get the worst tummy aches. For a long time I just thought it was water in general. The water at home was fine though. My parents have a well and the water is really good. I realized I could drink that water, and some brands of bottled water. With my heightened sense of smell, thanks to pregnancy, I can smell the chlorine in our water. It's terrible! The worst is when the kids are taking a bath. It seriously smells like a swimming pool. Between the steam and the smell, showers are killer. I've set new personal records for how quickly I get in and out. My mother would be impressed! 

And that was a tangent! Prego brain is real, I tell ya'! It's a good thing I'm a list maker or some things would never get done. I best get to work in these quiet hours that both kids are at school... looming deadlines and all that!

Time flies when...

You spend 30 minutes typing out an incredibly witty, well written blog about the wonderfully imperfect life you lead, only to hit the wrong button and delete it all. 

It's a....boy??

Anyone who's asked me about baby #3 has most definitely heard 'We haven't confirmed by ultrasound yet, but it's a girl.' I KNEW it was going to be a girl before I even got pregnant. I was 99.99% certain. 

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm an obsessive planner. I think this stems from my anxiety issues. If I have a plan, I have a bit of control. Or so I think. 

So I have been planning how to fit baby girl into my life. Where she'll sleep. Where her clothes will be. How to arrange the other two's rooms (and lives) to be sure there's room for her. What color to do her afghan, unique for her, but matching her sisters (the girls') room. I even got a comforter that matches Bailee's, so I could turn it into a crib bumper and blanket. It sounds insane as I type it all out. But that's how I do things. 

So last week, we went for the ultrasound. The number one thing I wanted to know was what baby's heart looked like. I wouldn't (won't) say it must be perfect. I just want to know what we're dealing with.....so I can have a plan. 

As soon as baby came into view, I saw flapping valves. A pumping heart. Beautiful. I've seen enough of Maddox's echos to really appreciate the beauty of the heart, in all it's forms. What a relief to see this little organ seemingly doing it's job properly. The ultrasound tech was great, and spent a good amount of time measuring and explaining baby. It was music to my ears to hear her confirm that there are four, symmetrical, functioning, chambers. What a miracle!!

The second thing I wanted to know was that I was right, and baby was a girl. I wanted this for everyone else's benefit. I had no doubts. I wish there were a picture of my face when she said it's a boy. Shocked. Luke grinned. I didn't know what to say. The tech could see the obvious shock and said she could try for a better look. I assured her the view was fine. It was quite obvious. 

A week later and I still haven't wrapped my brain around this curve ball. It's not that I don't want another son. I do! And I've always believed we'd have two of each. It's just not according to the plan I've had in my brain for more than a year. 

You'd think, based on my life experiences, I'd learn I can't always depend on the plan. I haven't yet. The next day I started to try and re-formulate my plan. It's actually going to make a lot of things easier, having a boy. Rooms are more easily arranged and organized, for one thing. 

I had pulled out my one box of baby clothes, looking for a pair of boy shoes, and hadn't got it back up in the closet. I decided to go through them before putting it away. I pulled out the few I've saved, mostly things that both kiddos wore. Onesies, pjs, overalls. I found a few things in each size that Maddox wore. The memories were flowing. 

There's one shirt that new baby will never wear. Maddox was wearing it on his one month birthday, the day we almost had to say goodbye. 

There's the outfit we brought him home in. The first time. That one is full of HOPE. 

There's the tiny shirt his surgeon gave him at his first post-op appointment. That one won't be shared either. 

I am grateful for the chance to remember the good times. Seeing Maddox grow up all over again. And being reminded that there was a time I dared not hope for that. 

Baby boy is a tender mercy. I believe he will help my heart heal in ways no one else can. I'm not sorry he's coming instead of a Princess. She'll have her turn. I'm grateful that God knows me, and what I need, better than I know. I need to remember to trust in HIS plan. It's always better than my plans. 

Now if only I could decide what colors to do his afghan....

Pregnancy, parties, and sweet kiddos.

It's a darn good thing the little person is more than worth the nine months of yuck! When I get discouraged or particularly down, I try and picture the sweet little squished face, mess of dark hair, and beautiful blue eyes I know is waiting for me at the end of this. Literally minutes after birth I feel AMAZING. Can't wait!! I'm nearly half way. 

Living on apples, eggs, and taquitos. A few sips of Squirt to get my meds down. I can't wait to drink water, milk, and coke without gagging. I can't wait to enjoy a bit of chocolate, ice cream, and chicken. 

I'm dreading the nasty orange sugar drink. I wonder if there's an alternative? 

We have an ultrasound next week and a fetal echo in two weeks. I'm anxious to get through both of those so I can make a plan. Also, there's some darling baby clothes I've got my eye on. 

In other news... My sweet Bailee is closer to 8 than 7! She is making plans to be baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints. We've been talking about what that means. I've thought about this for nearly 8 years. It's such a big descision for a little person to make. I want it to truly be a choice my kids make. I remember the months leading up to my baptism. I was really excited. I know it was a choice I made myself, and I've never questioned that choice. 

Bai is also anxious to learn to sew, crochet, and knitt. True to form she's planning, in detail, her birthday party. Love this girl, attitude and all.

Maddox! Oh this kid is full of life! The simplest things bring him so much happiness. For Christmas he wanted a BYU football helmet, a #37 jersey, and a BYU flag. His dream came true, and it's like Christmas morning every morning. He cannot wait to get dressed in his BYU stuff and play a dozen games a day, complete with a parade. I wish his love for life and simple things could rub off on everyone around him. He has the best attitude of anyone I've ever met. He faces each day and every challenge with a smile. 

He's turned into quite the party planner as well. He's got the details for his 5th birthday all worked out. Down to where everyone can hide so we can surprise him. He's so easy to please, it makes me want to make all of his wishes come true. 

Hopefully I can be organized enough to make it all happen. I'll try and use the nesting period to my advantage. 

And now, I'm off to get some work done. Wish me luck.