Changing...one step at a time (written April, 2015)

I blog a lot in my head. I have a captive audience there. I do need to take more time for actually putting some of my thoughts down more often, though. 

I've been thinking about changes and peoples reaction to change. Specifically when you decide to make a life change. Mine started 6 months ago. I was listening to General Conference, and there was a fantastic talk that struck my heart. It's titled 'Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence.' http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/approaching-the-throne-of-god-with-confidence?lang=eng

I really need to read it again. 

So as Elder Klebingat was speaking about areas in our lives we can improve in order to be able to approach the throne of God with confidence, his suggestion about our physical well being really caught my attention. He said "Feeding the spirit while neglecting the body, which is a temple, usually leads to spiritual dissonance and lowered self-esteem. If you are out of shape, if you are uncomfortable in your own body and can do something about it, then do it!" I had an 'ah ha' moment. I wrote down two notes: Drink less soda and start exercising. I felt strongly that I needed to take more control of 'the natural man' and make some healthy changes. 

I've been really resistant in the past to working out. For the most part, I've been comfortable in my body. Could I loose some weight? Absolutely. Do I worry and stress about it? Almost never. It really bothers me when people's first reaction, generally, to someone working out is related to weight. It's either 'you're so thin, you don't need to work out,' or 'good for you for working off that extra weight.' So part of my resistance has been because I don't want to work out because I think I'm overweight. I also hadn't had a strong enough desire to make a change or a love for a particular work out method. I hated running. So very much. 

Almost immediately I started craving and drinking more soda. Every plan I made to work out was met with excuse. I was going in the complete opposite direction. In the back of my mind, I knew I needed to make changes, and on some level I wanted to. I just couldn't seem to commit. I had been thinking about it more and more each day, and then it happened. 

In January my friend mentioned she was going running later that afternoon. She wasn't trying to invite me, she was simply talking about her plans. I asked about how the running was going and how far she was going. I could almost hear the gears in my head turning. She told me that she had just started the Couch to 5k program again. Almost without realizing it was coming out of my mouth I told her I thought I'd like to give it a try. That was 3 months ago. I'm now running 3 times a week, and have worked up to 25 minutes of running. I surprise myself each time I hear myself saying I'm enjoying it. I am surprised that I actually am sad if I miss a day. I'm surprised that I'm signing up for an actual race, and even considering a 10k. I'm not surprised at people's reaction to my change. In some round-a-bout way it comes back to 'I must think I'm fat and am trying to lose weight.' Honestly, weight loss will be an added benefit. I'm truly making this change in my life to feel stronger, happier, and healthier. And it's happening. 

I'm slowly making changes in the things I put into my body...and my family's bodies too. It will come. I'm learning that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I'm looking at life differently. This isn't a short term change. I'm going to run for as long as I can. So if I miss a day? It's ok, it's just one day. 

I'm learning the truth of Elder Klebingat's words, and those whispered to me by the spirit. 'Spiritual confidence increases when your spirit, with the help of the Savior, is truly in charge of your natural man or woman.' And I'm learning that by taking some time to do something good for me is good for my family. 

I've always felt guilty and selfish when I've done something just for me. I'm not supposed to think about myself, right? I think that's wrong, actually. I'm learning that there's a big difference between taking care of yourself and ignoring everyone around you to focus on yourself. The first is actually important to everyone's well being. The second is selfishness. 

Luke asked me a few months back why I don't wear fake nails anymore. There are two reasons. I don't like how they feel, and it's an expense we don't need. As we talked I realized what he was actually missing is my nails being painted and longer. Those are two things I could change easily and without spending a lot. As I made an effort to grow my nails out and put some color on them, I realized that I rarely take the time to take care of my outward appearance. I don't particularly like makeup, and I feel totally comfortable with just a little lipstick. I have a pretty low maintenance hairstyle that doesn't take a lot of time, effort, or money. I'm completely comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. I ran out of moisturizer long ago and haven't taken the time to replace it, though that is one skincare product I've tried to be good at using. Enter Posh. 

My sister has been trying to get me to try Perfectly Posh for nearly a year. I don't use girly pampering products, and I didn't think that was something I should spend money on. There are two skin problems that I've worried about but hadn't taken the time to change it. My red bumpy arms, and the good chance my pores will get large as I age. I finally tried out a scrub sample she had sent me. She told me it would help smooth my skin. I rubbed it on both of my upper arms and was amazed at the difference in just one use. I decided I would buy some of that and try out their moisturizer. I decided instead to join Posh so I could get a discount on those few things I actually would use. Then my starter kit came and I loved everything in it. I started taking three minutes morning and night to wash and moisturize my face. I'm surprised at the way those few minutes makes me feel. Refreshed. Confident. In control of me. 

So I guess what it comes down to, for me, is making small changes in my life to help me take those baby steps towards overcoming the natural woman in me. It doesn't have to be expensive, time consuming, or exclude my family. It's important to me to have a healthy body, inside and out, and to take care of the one I've been blessed with. Once I finally understood that and have embraced that, I have been able to stick to a plan and be happier, healthier, and more kind. 

CHD week

February 7-14 is CHD week. I've been posting facts and pictures on Facebook. I just thought I would take a minute and reflect on what CHD means in my life. 

Heart defects.... They are hard. Hard on every member of the family. Here's the list of Maddox's defects. 

HLHS--his left ventricle is almost nonexistent and does not function at all. 

mitral valve stenosis--stenosis means small

aortic valve stenosis

Mild to moderate hyposplasia of the ascending aorta and aortic arch--hypoplasia means small

Coarctation of the aorta--narrowing in the aorta. This is also what Luke was born with. 

Atrial septal defect--no septum, or wall, between his atriums. Healthy hearts have 4 chambers, Maddox's has 2. One ventricle and one atrium. 

Patent ductus arteriosus--a hole in the heart that typically closes within a few hours of birth. 

Surgeries....do not get easier with time. As hard as it was to say goodbye to my week old baby as he was wheeled to the OR, walking my 3 year old to those same doors was excruciating. Just the sight of those doors gives me anxiety. 

Daily life...Maddox looks so much like a typical 5 year old. There are moments when he acts like a typical 5 year old, and moments I'm reminded he's not. Some of that is heart related. Some of that is not. Right now Maddox's half a heart is working well enough to keep up with him. It's a pretty happy little heart. We are grateful. 

Family life... I think we're pretty typical. Luke and I do a pretty good job of keeping it real and not letting Maddox's unique heart define him. Everyone worries from time to time, but mostly we just live the life we've been given. There are a lot of unknowns in our future, but I try and remember that's really true for everyone. We just have a different perspective, and know to watch for those curve balls. 

Our CHD family...is amazing and inspiring. I think having such a large CHD family is bitter sweet. It's a joy to see these kids grow up and be happy and healthy. It's hard to watch parents struggle through those really hard days. It's absolutely heartbreaking to watch parents and siblings say goodbye to their hero and adjust to life without them. 

My Faith... Has changed a lot over the last 5 years. I rely on it daily. I have to trust that God has a plan and that even on--or especially on--the really hard days he's watching out for each of His children and that someday I'll understand. 

Last night Maddox asked me when he will die. He asks that more often than I'd like. I told him that he will go when Heavenly Father says it's time. When he's done all that he needs to do in this life. I believe that. I only hope he outlives me and we both live to be 90. 

Make-A-Wish event

Make-a-wish invited Wish Kids to a fun event today. There was a bike race and fundraiser benefiting the organization, and they had lots of fun stuff for the families. 

Maddox loved Olaf!

Bai was excited to see Elsa and Ana. 

Maddox decorated his bike and he and Bai participated in the children's bike parade. They even got medals!

The chalk art was amazing. 

Bailee climbed all the way to the top three times!

Landon...well Landon had an unprepared mommy today. Shortly after we got to the event I could smell a stinky diaper. It was a total mess. I went to get the diaper bag and realized I didn't have any clothes for him. There was a Gymboree right by where we were, so I ran in and picked up a little sleeper. I got to the bathroom and realized I didn't have any wipes. So I got some wet paper towels. I got him undressed and partially cleaned up and couldn't find a diaper. Ack! I just had to laugh! I had seen a mom I know and thought I'd run out and see if she had an extra diaper. Just before I found her, I found Luke and I remembered that I had put a bag with wipes and diapers in the back of the car!! So Luke went and grabbed that and I was able to get Landon all cleaned up. He went back in the sling and fell right to sleep. He's such a happy, patient, easy baby. It makes crazy situations like this less stressful. 

Fresh Starts and Our New Normal (written September 2014)

Monday is a day of new beginnings for us!

Luke will be starting his new job. After 2 1/2 months of being unemployed, he's definitely ready to be working at a paying job. 

It sure didn't feel like good timing, to lose a job three weeks before our baby was due. We put our trust in Heavenly Father, though, and it has been a good experience for our family. 

For starters, our kids got to spend some really good, quality time with their dad. He has worked 60-70 hours a week for their entire lives. Vacation days were few and far between, and even then he was basically on call to fix any issues. Bai and Maddox have LOVED having him home so much. 

As far as having a new baby, the timing was great. Luke is such an amazing husband and father. Having him home has made this recovery and transition much easier than the last two. He's also had some good bonding time with Landon. It's been very sweet. 

I have loved spending more time together. I can honestly say this is the most relaxed and stress free Luke has been in our marriage. I know it's been hard on him, but he's handled it amazingly. This time off has been so good for the two of us. 

2 weeks!

Little Landon is growing so fast! He has gained nearly a pound, and grown 2 1/2 inches! He is eating around the clock, smiling when he's awake, watching the chaos around him, and bringing so much joy to our family! 

Landon is such a happy, content baby. He loves to be swaddled up and snuggled. This momma isn't complaining! 

Luke's first Father's Day as the daddy of three! 

I can't get over his sweetness. 

Looking so tiny in his big crib!

Bailee and Maddox adore him, and he seems to enjoy watching them. We've watched Tball games and gymnastics, gone to the library and church, and showed him off to everyone. 

Bailee thinks we should put him up for adoption, so we can adopt him. 

Maddox asked me why the baby was eating my belly button.... time for an anatomy lesson. He has also come up with an answer for me when I can't help him because I'm feeding the baby. "Put your shirt down and get him off of there!"

People ask how I'm adjusting to having three kids. It's been pretty easy so far, because Luke has been here. I don't have to divide my attention between three kids at a time. That's been a sweet blessing. 

While we continue to pray for a new job soon, we are trying to enjoy this extra time together. We all have enjoyed having Luke around! We are probably getting spoiled with all of his help and attention. His next job will have to be better hours! 

Landon Carling

Landon was born Monday, June 2. I went into labor early that morning and was at the hospital before my scheduled dr appointment. Everything went really well, and we are so in love with this little boy. 

Bailee opened up to me last night about how worried she had been. She definitely had had a wall up through this pregnancy. I was certain that would change when he arrived and she could see that he was healthy. 

She adores him!

Our family of five!

All in the Lords time

I am amazed over and over at the Love my Heavenly Father has for me. I am amazed at the way He answers my prayers, and most especially at the timing of those answers. I am taught again and again that my trust and faith in Him is vital in my role as a wife and mother. 

There are times I've felt so strongly about something that seems illogical to those around me, only to realize later how important it was for me to hold onto that conviction. I'm grateful to a loving Father in Heaven who has blessed me with that ability to trust Him and His timing. 

This sweet baby was due yesterday. The last two weeks I've been feeling a bit of pressure, from my doctor and others around me, to be induced because it fits in their schedules. My doctor has been gone the last two weekends, but wants to be here for the birth. My parents came early to help, and they've been a huge help. I just had an unexplained hesitancy to be induced before my due date. Not because I was worried about the baby's health, not because I am against being induced, not even because of the extra painful contractions I have heard accompany induction. Just because there seemed to be a reason. 

The reason became clear on Friday as we worked on some insurance options. It will be better for us financially to have this baby in June. As we figured this out, I was overcome by the wisdom of my Heavenly Father and His care and concern for us. It was and is another testament that He does know us and our needs...both spiritual and temporal. I'm so very grateful for Him and his love for me and my family. 

I am anxious to meet this new little one. I go into the dr tomorrow, unless he comes tonight, and we'll schedule that induction. The hesitancy is gone. I can't wait to hold him and for Luke and the kids to meet him. I've had him to myself (at least on this side of the veil) for the last 40 weeks, but I suppose it's time to share. The next blog will have pictures!

A war with no winners

Sometimes you end up in the middle of a conflict by no fault of your own. With family and friends on both sides, and no clear solution. Trying to stay out of it and not have an oppinion seems impossible, but is exactly where you want to be. Times like this, it would be nice if everything were black and white. Choices would be clear cut and easy, and perhaps there would be a clear winner. 

Some conflicts are easy for me to chose a side and feel good about it. Others, it tears me a part. There are two such battles raging around me right now, and I feel torn between the good on all sides. My first instinct is to ignore the whole situation. Unless I'm forced to make a decision, I won't express any oppinion. However, in these two battles I feel the need to look deep inside and find out where I stand. For no other reasons than to have inner peace right now, as well as to know where I stand if forced to chose a side. 

It's hard though, even firmly believing in the side I choose, to be opposite of people I love and respect. There's really no winners when both sides believe they are right and will not even consider the opposite view. I wish it were as easy as taking the good parts of both sides. Maybe that's where I stand. Not on one side of the fence or the other, but on a third side of a triangle where compromise exisists. 

General Conference

Maddox strung beads for more than an hour. Seriously can't believe it!

Pinterest has so many awesome ideas for everything. I actually put many to use, and while it took prep time, after one session it was worth it!

The supplies basket included glue, scissors, pencils, markers, crayons, string, beads, and some 'draw the speaker' pages. The idea behind the beads was that each color represents a topic and you create a bracelet. Maddox seriously just loved stringing them. Bai wants to create one later. 

This basket has 15 ziplock bags with different treats and activities. Each has a photo of one of the apostles or member of the first presidency. When they speak, the kids get to choose that bag. 

My cute girl!

The bonus basket has other treats and snacks. They are for bingo prizes and the speakers who don't have a bag. 

Bai wanted a binder like mom's to take notes. I am super impressed with the things she chose to write down. 

Maddox doesn't sit still very often. One thing I read was a family that tells their kids they can run around during the songs. I tried that, not really expecting it to make a difference, but it did!! He played basketball during the songs and was pretty quiet otherwise. 

Cutting and gluing!!! Ok, so maybe most of the activities I chose were a ploy to work on some occupational therapy. But he didn't know that! Overall, we had a wonderful time listening to conference. I think these activity bags will become a new tradition. 

On Saturday, especially, my soul was fed and my testimony strengthened. I'm looking forward to listening to all of the talks again in the coming months. 

Conference is such a blessing in my life, and a real source of personal revelation. I am so grateful to have a living prophet here on the earth, to lead and guide the Savior's church, under the Savior's direction. 

Kid quotes and quips

Last night Luke mentioned to Bailee that the Daddy Daughter camp out is shortly after the baby comes. She loves Daddy Daughter so much, so is really excited. Maddox asked when Father and Son's is and Luke said he didn't know if they were doing it this year. Maddox's response was very typical. "I know! We can go to the first BYU football game and that can be our father son date!" Luke will take that over camping any day of the week.

We were on our way to the park to meet friends that had moved away, one of Bailee's best friends. She got upset because she'd forgotten her pencil. I told her she'd be too busy playing to need a pencil to which she replied, "You mean talking! We have a lot to catch up on."

Play dates are no longer called Play dates, this almost 8 year old is going on 16 and wants me to call it "hanging out".

A few months back Bailee says to me "If someone looks in my diary and I write in Egyptian, they won't know what it says!"

Maddox has a hard time waking up on the mornings he has school. Weekends and Monday's he's up earlier than he needs to be. I attribute it to deep sleeping and stubbornness. He usually finds his way into my bed somewhere between the hours of 2 and 6 am. It's pretty dark in our room, so I decided I need to just send him back to his bed. He's my cuddle bug though, and it's not going to be easy for either of us. This morning when he came in at 5:45 I told him he could only get in my bed if he promised he would wake up when I told him to. He said he would, and I asked him what the consequence should be if he didn't. He responded "No TV ever again." Like that punishment would ever stick. I compromised with no TV today and he agreed. It worked. He got up the first time I asked him. I hope this sticks!

In St. George driving past Dixie State and Luke points out to Bailee where he used to live. Without skipping a beat she says "So you were an orphan?"

The other day in the car Maddox asks me "Mom, when are you going to tell me that the baby isn't coming?" I was confused and replied that I wasn't going to tell him that, because the baby is coming next month. He responded "But last time you said the baby wasn't coming. Were you joking?" Obviously, explaining a miscarriage to  a four year old didn't go as smoothly as I thought. We talked briefly about the first baby going back to heaven because maybe it was sick. He wanted to know if this baby is sick, and I told him I don't think so. He then said, "Well, maybe it's the same baby."

Bailee is having a hard time with the idea of having another baby. I really think between the miscarriage and her memories of Maddox, she is just protecting her heart. I'm certain she'll warm up when the baby actually gets here. In an effort to get her a little excited, I tried to get her to feel him moving. I put her hand on my belly where he had been moving moments before and of course, he stopped moving. I told her sorry and we'd try again when he moved. She said "This baby already has a brain! He is already tricking me and Maddox hasn't even taught him how, yet!"

Breakfast!

I'm back on a smoothie kick! Mostly I just throw a bunch of fruits and veggies in the blender and drink it up. This morning I found a recipe for a sunrise smoothie. I used that as a start, and added spinach, milk, water, and honey. It's super yummy. It's not as pink as usual because I didn't add raspberries or blackberries, but if you put it in a colored cup, you can't even tell what color it is. So here's what I did:

1 banana

10 Oz frozen strawberries

Juice from 3 small clementines

2 handfuls of spinach

1/2 cup frozen oj concentrate

1 cup whole milk

1 cup water

1 cup vanilla Greek yogurt

2 tbs honey

I blend the liquid and spinach first, and longest so there aren't bits floating around. After that I just add a few things, and blend in between. 

Change is good!

I can drink milk!

And eat cereal!

And drink orange juice!

And drink water!

The thought of coke still makes my tummy turn, so I'll hold off. I really should just give it up, especially since I haven't had a coke for 5 months!!! But really, I miss the burn of the carbonation. 

I've returned to the stage of nothing really sounds good, and I don't want to cook, but put it in front of me and I'll probably eat it. 

I probably should take a belly photo. This baby is really pushing out. I either really don't remember how being pregnant felt, or this one is pretty different. (Except for the sick part.) I got uncomfortable pretty quickly, and it's not getting any easier. Sleeping is rough. Walking is rough. Sitting is rough. But, this little boy is worth every second. I can't wait to meet him and kiss his sweet chubby cheeks. Just about 12 weeks! 

Here's my latest project. This one is actually for Maddox. I never got around to making him one, and this time around I am in constant need of a project.

Beauty.

I have a routine most mornings, that includes sitting across the room from this wall.

It's perhaps my most favorite place to sit. The sun comes in through the windows and reminds me winter won't last forever. I love looking up from my project and seeing my beautiful family. I love seeing the different stages of my kids. Their newborn pictures to their school pictures. I only wish the wall were bigger so I could have more pictures. Lately I've been looking at it knowing another sweet face will soon be added. 

Water=Heartburn

I can finally handle small amounts of water without puking it up, and I've re-discovered my pregnancy craving for pebble ice. Sonic is my BFF and it's a good thing it's so close. However, it is giving me heartburn like crazy! It still blows my mind that water, of all things, gives pregnant people heartburn. I have had heartburn anyways, but of course there's a daily med for that, and it's done it's job very well. Until I started drinking water and eating ice. I don't know what's worse though, the heartburn, or the dehydration. I have been dreaming of water for most of my pregnancy, and waking up thirstier than ever, knowing that drinking the water would just cause me to vomit. Vicious cycle. The things we go through to get children here, and keep them here.

I just keep picturing this sweet boy in my arms, with his head of dark fuzzy hair. The profile picture from the ultrasound sits at my computer desk to remind me that it's all worth it! It's crazy to look at it and be able to see that even at 19 weeks and 3 days he looks like my other two. 10 weeks and 3 days left. Or, if things progress exactly as the other two did, 10 weeks. The other two were both born 3 days early. I went into labor at the same time. Arrived at the hospital at nearly the same time. And delivered within 2 minutes of being the same time. We shall see how this one goes! Though I would prefer to wait it out at home longer this time. A little less chaotic and maybe more comfortable? At least for Luke.

And with that, I shall get back to the job that pays in $, before the job that pays in kisses resumes.

(PS; I have procrastinated less this week than I did last week. Miracles do happen.)

Dear Me....

Please stop procrastinating your work...the work from the job that pays in dollars. The long days at the computer are beginning to be unbearable. Just do a little bit each day, problem solved.
Much obliged.

RE: Dear Me,
If you haven't learned to overcome procrastination in the last 30 years, what makes you think you will now?
Keep trying.

Sometimes

...this feels so long ago, and other times it feels like only yesterday. 

This was two years ago! Two years ago we were planning a Wish Trip, and scheduling the Fontan. So crazy!

Looking at this picture makes me think about both the past and the future. I wonder how long he'll go without needing oxygen help. How long until we have to find another way to help his heart work well enough. How long until we walk the transplant road. 

I know I try and enjoy every day with both of my kids, and that's because of all the unknowns and what ifs regarding Maddox.  That's a blessing. A tender mercy. 

Nesting...a new experience

This pregnancy has shown me a new side of nesting. It's been different for sure. With Bai, I was working full time and we lived in a little apartment. With Maddox, I was determined to spend as much time with Bailee as I could. (That turned out to be a bigger blessing than I could have known.) This time around I have 4 hours of being alone 4 days a week. I try and get some work done in the mornings, but mostly I have this insane desire to organize and complete projects. Like this:

 Anyone who's been in my office/craft room in the last 3 years will be shocked. Look, there's carpet! It no longer looks like a paper bomb went off. I was having a hard time making calls and working with the huge mess behind me. It's so much nicer to be in there now. 

And this...

Minus the ball basket being tipped over, the playroom is clean, organized, and useable. It got disrupted a couple of years ago when we had my sister and then cousin live with us for short periods of time. The toys were returned to the room, but unorganized and mostly unaccessible. There was grumbling and wondering about why the kids never played with the toys, and talk of just getting rid of all of them. However, the whole family pitched in to clean and organize, and now that they can get to the toys and they remember what they have, they both have spent a lot more time playing, and much less time watching tv.  

I (almost) finished organizing the boys closet and am so much happier with it! I am just going to add a shelf or two to the side of the closet to hold lotion, wipes, etc. I also saw this really cute pegboard idea with baskets to hold diapers and other essentials. Hopefully that will get finished in the next month. 

I put together this quilt for baby. It's the first time I've used minky fabric, and a first for ribbon binding. I learned a few things that will help me put Maddox's together a little easier. I think I need to add a few hidden ties to hold the layers together, but mostly, I'm pleased with the result. 

 

This is the quilt top for Maddox. He chose blue minky for the back, and I am planning on doing blue ribbon for the binding. Maddox is pretty excited for it to be finished. His is of course bigger, but I think it'll go together more quickly now that I practiced on the crib one. 

My next organizing project is this:

We have a lot of books! Love that! But I think I'll move the shelves to the playroom and of course reorganize them. 

I also started this:

The kitchen will be getting a paint job in the near future. I have a lot of prep work to do first though, and there's only so much I can do myself. I will not be standing on the half wall and leaning over to remove that wallpaper.... 

I am hoping to be done with the kitchen project by my birthday. Which is about a month before baby comes. We shall see. 

In other news, 

Are these yours?? I can't find the owner. So if you recognize them...

Another check off my list!

I don't chrochet a lot, but I have made each of my kids an afghan. Here is baby boys. It took me forever to decide on colors. I love how it turned out!  

This is Maddox's. I love his, too. 

And here is Bailee's. I actually made hers while I was in highschool. I think it may have been a young women's project. 

My mom taught me basic chrochet and a granny square. She doesn't read patterns, she either figures it out by looking at it, or someone shows her. I am quite opposite. I want step by step instructions, and a pattern to follow. Classic example of very different learning styles.

I was able to find a pattern for both of the boys afghans and figure them out. I love that all three are different. The colors of the boys coordinate. I wanted them to match their room. I also really don't like baby themed or colored things for boys. Weird. I know. 

It worked out well for Maddox. I didn't buy anything that was light blue before he was born. Afterwards, I wouldn't put him in blue. It looked terrible on him. He was blue enough by himself. I loved him in red, brown, and darker orange. I still prefer those colors, though BYU blue is okay. 

With this baby I've been drawn to navy blue and green. Like this:

Luke's not a fan of matching, but how cute will my three boys be in these ties in blessing day? I told him he could live with it for one day. 

I survived the glucose test! I have one more 4-week appointment and then will start the 2-week appointments. Time is moving on! I'm really getting excited for this little one, and the upcoming summer. 

CHD week

I kicked CHD week off with a day at the hospital with IHH. We delivered lunch to our awesome cardiology clinic and cookies to our amazing ICU staff. We were also able to provide dinner to families at the new Ronald McDonald Family room. That was amazing. What a resource for families! 

It was a pretty long day, but so productive in so many ways. I love serving with IHH and seeing the difference we can make. 

My mothers daughter

I sent these pictures to my mom yesterday. Her response was "I hope you didn't move that dresser yourself. You have several months until the baby comes." 

I responded the only way I could. "Of course I did. But I didn't lift it. And I didn't try and move the freezer from downstairs to upstairs."

She wouldn't have expected anything less. She raised me. And I am her in many ways. My mom is fiercly independent. If it was physically possible for her to do it herself, she did. She didn't wait for my dad to come home to rip out a wall, to rearrange the heavy stuff, to paint, etc. She just did it. Why wait when you can do it yourself and just get it done?

I often wondered what my dad thought. I'm sure by the time I was old enough to recognize this, he was used to it and not surprised. 

I'm certain it's taken Luke by surprise a few times, to come home to different colored walls, furniture rearranged, new stuff I've put together. He wasn't surprised yesterday when he came home to the newly rearranged boys room. I told him my plans a month a go. The day after we found out I was wrong, and baby boy #2 was headed our way. I prefaced my ideas by telling him 'We don't have to do this today.' In his mind (and he's right), we have plenty of time. No need to rush. For me, I'd rather get it done now, while I'm feeling up to it, and have it the way I want it. 

So I've had a month to think about how I wanted the boys room to be. I adore the paint and colors we chose for Maddox, so really this was an easy makeover. Maddox and I have talked about the changes plenty of times, and I let him choose which side of the room he wanted his bed. Yesterday I thought I'd just reorganize the closet so when we did move things around, it would be easier. 

If you give a mouse a cookie...

That's how I work. I didn't intend to move the linen shelf out of the closet, put the dresser in the closet, move Maddox's bed, and put together the crib. I figured if I already had the sheets and blankets out and re folded, I might as well move the shelf. It wasn't heavy. Since the shelf was gone, I figured it wouldn't be too hard to slide the dresser into the closet. I was wrong. It's so heavy. But I was determined. So I moved it little by little across the room. Maddox's bed isn't heavy at all, and the crib pieces are light enough. 

It was kind of fun to sit with Maddox and show him how to put the bolts in, have him help me hold pieces, and tighten the wing nuts. He enjoyed it too. I think involving him in the whole process helps him feel like he has some control and that the baby isn't just taking over his room and his life. 

I know I'm OCD about that. I was the same with Bai when we were expecting Maddox. I want them to feel included and a part of this. I don't want baby to just be something that happened to them. 

Maddox is definitely more excited than Bailee. I think she's guarding her heart. Between the whole experience with Maddox, and the miscarriage before this one, I don't think she knows what to expect or hope for. It's easier for her to say she doesn't care than to get her hopes up. I do know she's glad it's a boy so she doesn't have to share her room. 

Baby is growing well and moving all of the time. It's fun to see my belly move or him kick my hand when I'm resting it on my belly. Soon the kids will be able to feel him too. I'm so relieved that his heart is well formed. I think we all need this baby to be a healing experience. I wouldn't trade Maddox and his journey for anything, but it was so hard on everyone that first year. 

Deadlines are looming for work and CHD week. I best be off to accomplish something there. Though right now I'd like to reorganize the playroom...