Ahead of schedule

Well, Maddox is really doing great, and Dr. Kaza says he's ahead of schedule. It seems a little weird to say that, considering he has this major heart issue and just had open heart surgery.

2 weeks ago we were worrying about what house to put an offer on and learning the language of real estate. Now we're learning the language of the medical world. 2 weeks ago words like hypoplastic left lung, ventilator, chest tubes, SATS etc. weren't even in our vocabluary. Today they seem as normal as anything.

I walk into the room and start checking monitors. Taking note of any changes, asking questions about medications. Feeling great about things like removal of tubes and sensors, amount of oxygen being given reduced, medication dosages reduced, and after 11 days Maddox finally getting some milk in his belly. It's easy to feel hopeful even excitment at this moment.

And then I walk out of the room. The baby next door is having another 'down' day. We've made a connection with his parents, feel like we can realate to each other. His heart defect is different, but meds and machines are very similar. We are cheering each other on, feeling the sadness of a down day, reveling in each little improvement.

Just down the hall is another hypoplastic left baby. Yesterday he was doing well, and mom was happy with progress. Today I stopped in to say hello and was met with tears. He has an infection and that is extremely critical and scary for these babies. The infection goes straight for foreign material, which in this case means the tube placed in the heart durring surgery.

Two doors down there was a 3rd hypoplastic left baby. His parents received the unimagineable news of his being the worst they'd ever seen. They had to make an extremely tough decision. Saturday they took him home to love him for the little time they can.

This has been a very humbling 11 days. I've seen a lot. I've heard a lot. I've learned a lot. I've prayed a lot. We've made decisions about things we never dreamed about. We've considered posibilities that never crossed our minds. We've walked a path that many have walked before, and many will walk again. We have experienced great love, fasting, prayer. Incredible strength, charity and kindness. Grattitude for the little things as well as the big things have overwhelmed us.

I have learned something about trials as well. We all have them, and some may seem worse than others. Several months ago, I cried as my brother and sister in law lost their sweet baby girl. I couldn't imagine anything more difficult. I felt such sadness for their family, and such grattitude for my healthy baby growing inside. Several weeks ago Dad B. passed away and I felt relief for him and grief for Mom. Losing your spouse seemed like the most difficult thing you could deal with. Last week I thought deciding to take your baby home and love him, knowing you wouldn't have him for long, would be the hardest thing to face. Today I realized that trials are trials. We all have them. They are all difficult. But I know this. The Lord doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. These trials make us stretch and grow and learn. Without them there would be no progression. So it's ok for me to enjoy these great milestones Maddox is reaching, and at the same time be sad for those precious babies around us who are having 'down' days. I can pray that they will be strengthend through their time of trial and look forward to celebrating their next up day.