My mothers daughter

I sent these pictures to my mom yesterday. Her response was "I hope you didn't move that dresser yourself. You have several months until the baby comes." 

I responded the only way I could. "Of course I did. But I didn't lift it. And I didn't try and move the freezer from downstairs to upstairs."

She wouldn't have expected anything less. She raised me. And I am her in many ways. My mom is fiercly independent. If it was physically possible for her to do it herself, she did. She didn't wait for my dad to come home to rip out a wall, to rearrange the heavy stuff, to paint, etc. She just did it. Why wait when you can do it yourself and just get it done?

I often wondered what my dad thought. I'm sure by the time I was old enough to recognize this, he was used to it and not surprised. 

I'm certain it's taken Luke by surprise a few times, to come home to different colored walls, furniture rearranged, new stuff I've put together. He wasn't surprised yesterday when he came home to the newly rearranged boys room. I told him my plans a month a go. The day after we found out I was wrong, and baby boy #2 was headed our way. I prefaced my ideas by telling him 'We don't have to do this today.' In his mind (and he's right), we have plenty of time. No need to rush. For me, I'd rather get it done now, while I'm feeling up to it, and have it the way I want it. 

So I've had a month to think about how I wanted the boys room to be. I adore the paint and colors we chose for Maddox, so really this was an easy makeover. Maddox and I have talked about the changes plenty of times, and I let him choose which side of the room he wanted his bed. Yesterday I thought I'd just reorganize the closet so when we did move things around, it would be easier. 

If you give a mouse a cookie...

That's how I work. I didn't intend to move the linen shelf out of the closet, put the dresser in the closet, move Maddox's bed, and put together the crib. I figured if I already had the sheets and blankets out and re folded, I might as well move the shelf. It wasn't heavy. Since the shelf was gone, I figured it wouldn't be too hard to slide the dresser into the closet. I was wrong. It's so heavy. But I was determined. So I moved it little by little across the room. Maddox's bed isn't heavy at all, and the crib pieces are light enough. 

It was kind of fun to sit with Maddox and show him how to put the bolts in, have him help me hold pieces, and tighten the wing nuts. He enjoyed it too. I think involving him in the whole process helps him feel like he has some control and that the baby isn't just taking over his room and his life. 

I know I'm OCD about that. I was the same with Bai when we were expecting Maddox. I want them to feel included and a part of this. I don't want baby to just be something that happened to them. 

Maddox is definitely more excited than Bailee. I think she's guarding her heart. Between the whole experience with Maddox, and the miscarriage before this one, I don't think she knows what to expect or hope for. It's easier for her to say she doesn't care than to get her hopes up. I do know she's glad it's a boy so she doesn't have to share her room. 

Baby is growing well and moving all of the time. It's fun to see my belly move or him kick my hand when I'm resting it on my belly. Soon the kids will be able to feel him too. I'm so relieved that his heart is well formed. I think we all need this baby to be a healing experience. I wouldn't trade Maddox and his journey for anything, but it was so hard on everyone that first year. 

Deadlines are looming for work and CHD week. I best be off to accomplish something there. Though right now I'd like to reorganize the playroom...

Three weeks later...

...and I think I've finally mastered this omelet thing. I went from veggie scrambles to this....

Eggs and a tiny bit of cheese for protein, but mostly veggies. I can't eat enough fruits and vegetables these days. Such a problem to have! I seriously cannot eat sweets. Occasionally I'll try a bite of something, but the sugar just makes me sick!!! I hope I don't binge this summer.... I do miss my coke-a-day. I am constantly dreaming about drinking water. I'm not a big water drinker, but not being able to handle any at all is killing me! 

Speaking of water. I am really sensitive to chlorine. It took me years to figure out that's why most tap water hurts my stomach. I remember when they started treating the water in my hometown, I would get the worst tummy aches. For a long time I just thought it was water in general. The water at home was fine though. My parents have a well and the water is really good. I realized I could drink that water, and some brands of bottled water. With my heightened sense of smell, thanks to pregnancy, I can smell the chlorine in our water. It's terrible! The worst is when the kids are taking a bath. It seriously smells like a swimming pool. Between the steam and the smell, showers are killer. I've set new personal records for how quickly I get in and out. My mother would be impressed! 

And that was a tangent! Prego brain is real, I tell ya'! It's a good thing I'm a list maker or some things would never get done. I best get to work in these quiet hours that both kids are at school... looming deadlines and all that!

Time flies when...

You spend 30 minutes typing out an incredibly witty, well written blog about the wonderfully imperfect life you lead, only to hit the wrong button and delete it all. 

It's a....boy??

Anyone who's asked me about baby #3 has most definitely heard 'We haven't confirmed by ultrasound yet, but it's a girl.' I KNEW it was going to be a girl before I even got pregnant. I was 99.99% certain. 

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm an obsessive planner. I think this stems from my anxiety issues. If I have a plan, I have a bit of control. Or so I think. 

So I have been planning how to fit baby girl into my life. Where she'll sleep. Where her clothes will be. How to arrange the other two's rooms (and lives) to be sure there's room for her. What color to do her afghan, unique for her, but matching her sisters (the girls') room. I even got a comforter that matches Bailee's, so I could turn it into a crib bumper and blanket. It sounds insane as I type it all out. But that's how I do things. 

So last week, we went for the ultrasound. The number one thing I wanted to know was what baby's heart looked like. I wouldn't (won't) say it must be perfect. I just want to know what we're dealing with.....so I can have a plan. 

As soon as baby came into view, I saw flapping valves. A pumping heart. Beautiful. I've seen enough of Maddox's echos to really appreciate the beauty of the heart, in all it's forms. What a relief to see this little organ seemingly doing it's job properly. The ultrasound tech was great, and spent a good amount of time measuring and explaining baby. It was music to my ears to hear her confirm that there are four, symmetrical, functioning, chambers. What a miracle!!

The second thing I wanted to know was that I was right, and baby was a girl. I wanted this for everyone else's benefit. I had no doubts. I wish there were a picture of my face when she said it's a boy. Shocked. Luke grinned. I didn't know what to say. The tech could see the obvious shock and said she could try for a better look. I assured her the view was fine. It was quite obvious. 

A week later and I still haven't wrapped my brain around this curve ball. It's not that I don't want another son. I do! And I've always believed we'd have two of each. It's just not according to the plan I've had in my brain for more than a year. 

You'd think, based on my life experiences, I'd learn I can't always depend on the plan. I haven't yet. The next day I started to try and re-formulate my plan. It's actually going to make a lot of things easier, having a boy. Rooms are more easily arranged and organized, for one thing. 

I had pulled out my one box of baby clothes, looking for a pair of boy shoes, and hadn't got it back up in the closet. I decided to go through them before putting it away. I pulled out the few I've saved, mostly things that both kiddos wore. Onesies, pjs, overalls. I found a few things in each size that Maddox wore. The memories were flowing. 

There's one shirt that new baby will never wear. Maddox was wearing it on his one month birthday, the day we almost had to say goodbye. 

There's the outfit we brought him home in. The first time. That one is full of HOPE. 

There's the tiny shirt his surgeon gave him at his first post-op appointment. That one won't be shared either. 

I am grateful for the chance to remember the good times. Seeing Maddox grow up all over again. And being reminded that there was a time I dared not hope for that. 

Baby boy is a tender mercy. I believe he will help my heart heal in ways no one else can. I'm not sorry he's coming instead of a Princess. She'll have her turn. I'm grateful that God knows me, and what I need, better than I know. I need to remember to trust in HIS plan. It's always better than my plans. 

Now if only I could decide what colors to do his afghan....

Pregnancy, parties, and sweet kiddos.

It's a darn good thing the little person is more than worth the nine months of yuck! When I get discouraged or particularly down, I try and picture the sweet little squished face, mess of dark hair, and beautiful blue eyes I know is waiting for me at the end of this. Literally minutes after birth I feel AMAZING. Can't wait!! I'm nearly half way. 

Living on apples, eggs, and taquitos. A few sips of Squirt to get my meds down. I can't wait to drink water, milk, and coke without gagging. I can't wait to enjoy a bit of chocolate, ice cream, and chicken. 

I'm dreading the nasty orange sugar drink. I wonder if there's an alternative? 

We have an ultrasound next week and a fetal echo in two weeks. I'm anxious to get through both of those so I can make a plan. Also, there's some darling baby clothes I've got my eye on. 

In other news... My sweet Bailee is closer to 8 than 7! She is making plans to be baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints. We've been talking about what that means. I've thought about this for nearly 8 years. It's such a big descision for a little person to make. I want it to truly be a choice my kids make. I remember the months leading up to my baptism. I was really excited. I know it was a choice I made myself, and I've never questioned that choice. 

Bai is also anxious to learn to sew, crochet, and knitt. True to form she's planning, in detail, her birthday party. Love this girl, attitude and all.

Maddox! Oh this kid is full of life! The simplest things bring him so much happiness. For Christmas he wanted a BYU football helmet, a #37 jersey, and a BYU flag. His dream came true, and it's like Christmas morning every morning. He cannot wait to get dressed in his BYU stuff and play a dozen games a day, complete with a parade. I wish his love for life and simple things could rub off on everyone around him. He has the best attitude of anyone I've ever met. He faces each day and every challenge with a smile. 

He's turned into quite the party planner as well. He's got the details for his 5th birthday all worked out. Down to where everyone can hide so we can surprise him. He's so easy to please, it makes me want to make all of his wishes come true. 

Hopefully I can be organized enough to make it all happen. I'll try and use the nesting period to my advantage. 

And now, I'm off to get some work done. Wish me luck.