The Test

This morning a friend's baby is having heart surgery. I woke up with them on my mind and started re-living our own experience. I text her to let her know that I was thinking of her. I could have been sitting there in that waiting room myself, that's how vivid my memories of that time are. Sitting there watching families come and go, waiting for that first update then waiting for the next. And the next. And the next. Watching more families come and go. Trying to keep yourself occupied and not let your mind wander to the what-ifs. The natural next step is to go into the CICU to see your baby. My heart broke again. Thinking of this sweet mother and father walking into there for the first time. I wanted so badly in that moment to do it for them. I would have done anything to take that away. I have done it before, and while it wouldn't be easy, I would like to spare them. (Not that I don't think they are strong enough, I'm sure they are. I just know how painful that time is.) Realizing that I couldn't do that, I wondered if there was anything else I could have said or done to make it easier. As I thought about this for awhile this morning I had a light bulb moment.

Even if it were possible for me to switch places with them for that period of time, would that be the right thing? I started of thinking of the things that I have learned and felt and in turn been able to share with others. That wouldn't be possible without myself going through those hours in waiting rooms, the moments walking into the CICU, all of that. Would I take that from them? That's like a 180 degree difference in thought.

My thoughts turned to the Plan of Salvation. For a moment I got a glimpse. I could really feel how hard it must be for our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ go through this. I could imagine my Savior saying, "I've done that. It's not easy, but I could spare them that pain." Truth is, he has. I can feel that while it hurts to watch someone you love so much going through something so difficult, you can see how much growth and experience that is going to come from the trial. That's why we came here, right? That's why we came to earth. To be tested and tried so we can grow and become like our Heavenly Father.

I feel like I have to be taught this over and over again. The trials and challenges bring so many blessings. While I wish with all my heart my son could have a whole heart, I wouldn't trade the people I've met, the things I've learned, or the experiences I've had. This morning was a wonderful reminder of God's love, His perfect plan, and my constant need to put my trust and faith in Him to allow him to strengthen and bless me.