So for the Twilight premier, a friend of mine rented out an entire theater for the midnight showing. Complete with a pre-party, t-shirts, goody bags, prizes and the crowning moment...the long awaited movie. She asked if I'd donate a raffle prize and if I wanted to add something to the goody bags. Of course! So the raffle basket is ready and I've been slaving (yeah, right) over the goody bag item. I'll post a pic after the event, I don't want to give too much away. BUT, as you can imagine it does involve stamping and it's super cute! Oh, did I mention there are only 217??? Yeah, I've been busy.
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Much to Luke's dismay, I volunteered to let the YW paint our room downstairs. So after my card class next Wednesday, I've really got to get busy getting the room ready for paint. I've pulled down the wallpaper already. Next on the list is some (and by some I mean a lot) mudding and taping, and probably replacing a section of drywall, (not a very big one) and a coat or two of primer. But before I can get to that, I've got to get all of the stuff out of the room. Needless to say, we probably won't get our Christmas tree up until the first weekend of December. Surprisingly, I'm ok with that. I get super excited for Christmas, but this year I've decided to slow it down a bit. There are plenty of fun and exciting things to do and enjoy before Christmas, and I'm going to do them! I was watching a movie while working on my goody bag treats today and a character said something to the effect of "When I was a girl, they started decorating a few weeks before Christmas. Then it was right after Thanksgiving. Now Thanksgiving is overlooked and they start earlier than ever selling Christmas to us." That's so true! (I do have a few fun projects I'm working on for Christmas gifts though. I have to give myself plenty of time for that!)
Which brings me to this...
A couple of months ago I hit a breaking point. Thanks to some help from family and friends I am feeling like a totally new person, a better, happier person. I realized that some of the things going on were not normal, and I needed to deal with it. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for a really long time. I just didn't know that's what it was. I truly thought I was just crazy, and I did my best to hide it. I thought if anyone found out, they'd put me in a mental institution. A particular night when I was about 12 stands out to me. It's something that I've tried to forget since then, but keeps coming back to my thoughts. While the details won't be shared, the experience really freaked me out and I thought that I was a horrible person. While I didn't do anything wrong, the thought had been there. I realize now that it was a moment of OCD/Anxiety, and that I handled it pretty well. Getting the thoughts out of my head and taking myself out of the situation. There has been anxiety, panic attacks, OCD thoughts (the thing I struggle with the most) and as someone described "anxiety's evil step sister", depression, over the years. And honestly becoming a wife and mother have just made it worse. When you have someone besides yourself to worry about and take care of, it's easy to get out of control. Anyways, after prayer, a blessing, and a lot of support, I went to the Dr. I got on some medication and have been working every day to overcome this trial I've been given. It's been hard for me to talk about, but as the topic has come up and the time appropriate, I have come to realize how common these problems are. For awhile I went through the stage of "I should be able to overcome this myself. I don't need help..." but now that I've faced it, things are so much better. I feel alive and happy! I am enjoying the everyday moments and not worrying needlessly about things out of my control. I've come to realize that my best is good enough, and as long as I focus on the important things I'll be fine. It's a daily battle, but I know what I need to do to fight it. And more importantly, I'm not fighting it alone. Thanks to a loving supportive husband, and wonderful family and friends. And my biggest advocate, my Savior. The reason I finally decided to post about this is that I hope I can help anyone else who may be struggling with this or other problems realize that it's pretty normal and there is no shame in getting help. I only wish I'd have known sooner.
6 comments:
If ever you need another support outlet, know that I am here too. I had OCD for years and didn't know it, I mostly got over it, but every now and then I find myself counting colors and shapes of things again and I have to concentrate on not doing it, so I have some idea of what you are going through, if you need me, please know I am here :)
~C
Thanks for sharing Traci. Your honesty is refreshing. And your totally right, so many of us have suffered from similar feelings during our lives. We love you!
Your Twilight party sounds like fun. I'm getting excited.
I'm definitely jealous of your Twilight party -- it sounds like a blast! It's so great for you to share your experience. Listening to others sure helps us learn to be sensitive and gives us strength. The atonement takes on a whole new meaning when you face your weaknesses and trials head on.
Thank you for sharing that with us. Sometimes it just helps to tell someone and get it off your chest. good luch with your party.
Sounds like a fun party! I still haven't read those books, I hear I am really missing out. I know life can get rough sometimes, just remember we all love you. If you every need anything please let me know.
Traci, I am so glad you are feeling better. Yes, I know the kind of experience you have been going through as I too have suffered from anxiety and OCD. I know the Lord helps us to be able to overcome those things, like you have said. I am also grateful for modern day medicine that can help when we need it. I am so excited to see you soon.
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